I am artificially keeping Kitten
alive. No, this does not mean that
I have Kitten hooked up to some sort of cat life-support system with a morphine
drip and feeding tube (though I have given Kitten morphine before). What I mean is, that there is no
chance, not even a sliver of a possibility, that Kitten could live in the wild
(urban or otherwise).
I know I have written on similar topics
before. Select examples include: Kitten has an Intellectual Disability, Kitten Almost Died, RIP Cheap Entertainment Unit Door, and 5 Reasons Kitten would not Survive the First Week of a Zombie Apocalypse.
But I still feel like without some
concrete evidence, it is difficult for people who do not personally know Kitten
to fully grasp how dumb he is.
To help you better understand the level of
Kitten’s inability to function as a living being, I have compiled this brief
and very incomplete video collection of Kitten’s shortcomings.
Kitten loves to chase things, however, he
has little concept of how to come to a proper stop and also forgets very
quickly why he was running in the first place.
This is how Kitten eats. It involves a lot of weird jerky head
movements and inability to actually get any food in his mouth.
Kitten will not let me brush him and since
the following is his idea of bathing, he ends up covered in mats, necessitating stupid haircuts. Please note that this is
actually the full extent of Kitten’s concept of what constitutes appropriate
personal-hygiene measures.
Kitten does not understand object
permanence (or in this case, world permanence). To be fair, neither do
babies. But, even minimally sentient beings often understand that they can escape from underneath blankets. Kitten does not. If you put a blanket over Kitten, he
will stay they until you take it off.
He accepts that warm darkness has become his life, and at a certain
point will begin to welcome it.
That point is at 1:29 in this video, where Kitten begins to purr in his
dark sanctuary.
In the same vein, Kitten simply does not get
what is happening when you put something as small as a washcloth over his
face. It is basically the end of
the world.
Kitten has a love-hate relationship with cat toys. He loves to chase them, but
has an irrational fear of being chased/attacked/murdered by them. He doesn’t understand the concept of “play.”
It is basically a miracle that he remembers to breath.